yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
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