glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize