i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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