It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
