I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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