Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Randomize