Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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