oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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