Im at strip club and am horny
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
