Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
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