He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
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