So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Randomize