Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
