Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
We need a shit load of segways right now
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
