Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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