I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
