is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
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