he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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