I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
