Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Randomize
