Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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