The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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