sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
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