Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
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