Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Randomize
