ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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