dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Panties = found
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