I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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