I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
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