He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
