you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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