I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
