If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
