Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
3pm strippers are depressing
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
