God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
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