tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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