are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
