You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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