You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Randomize
