i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
