He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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