I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Randomize
