end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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