You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Randomize
