yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize