Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Randomize
