if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
