my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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