I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
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