I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
