I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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