If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Randomize
