I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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