I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
