she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Randomize
