I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
