This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
