Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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