i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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