I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
