Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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