i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
