i permit you to call me
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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