Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
