Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
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