OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
