i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
