I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
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