Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
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