How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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