Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Randomize
