i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
i now understand why vodka
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
